Generation Next
There’s a point in the life of every functioning adult when you catch yourself thinking about how kids these days fail to appreciate how good they have it. Managers are no exception to this rule. In the early days of your career, you had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow. The challenges that your employees have are nothing compared to the struggles that you dealt with. Why are they complaining?
There are two ways to deal with this train of thought:
Accept the status quo and watch your employees struggle. If you had to struggle, they should have to as well. That’s the way it is. Maybe you even convince yourself that this is to their benefit—their suffering is a “teaching moment” that will help them advance professionally.
Squash it and get over yourself.
In Defense of Servant Leadership
Leadership is far from glamorous, if you’re doing it right. And, if you’re reading this blog, I assume you want to do it right. This means that, occasionally, you will need to sublimate your own feelings to do right by your people. Your job is to serve them, above all.
Servant leadership doesn’t mean catering to people’s every whim. But, it does mean cultivating transparency and building trust, which when done well, empowers your employees to share their whims with you. This is a good thing! If you truly wish to practice radical candor with your employees, then you’re a hypocrite if you dish it out but can’t take it.
The consequences of cultivating a culture of transparency are that, sometimes, the things that come out of your employees’ mouths are going to strike you as ridiculous at best or downright insolent at worst. Belittling a request or dismissing it out of hand is tempting in the moment, but I’d recommend squashing the impulse. In these situations, the worst thing you can do is react from a place of emotion. Trust is a fragile thing, and you’ll want to preserve it as best you can.
Be the Change You Wish to See in the World
So, if you’re not allowed to dismiss a request that strikes you as ridiculous, what do you do instead when you’re secretly fuming?
Focus on the positives. Remind yourself that feedback is a gift. If your employees feel comfortable confiding in you, you should take it as a compliment. Sometimes, this simple reframe when combined with a deep breath is enough to help you overcome your discomfort.
Judge the content, not the presentation. Evaluate the request on its own merit, doing your best to look past a delivery that may have left something to be desired. Was the request unpolished or unprofessional? Should the employee have reconsidered communicating about a sensitive topic over email? If so, then give that feedback separately. But, don’t let the way the request was transmitted exert undue influence over how you choose to respond.
Conduct a root cause analysis. Consider why the request is bothering you as much as it is. Here are a few possibilities:
The request reminds you of yourself. When others exhibit behaviors that you are trying to correct, it can strike a chord. I tend to be hypersensitive to providing any feedback that I believe will help someone to avoid making the mistakes I did. In those instances, I try my best to offer that context, so the person can determine whether the feedback is relevant to their experience.
Their ask may violate unwritten rules of behavior at your organization or conflict with how you were “raised” earlier in your career. Consider whether these rules still apply. If they do, then it’s helpful to share your experience so that the person has the necessary context for how to proceed. It doesn’t mean you reject their request; it simply means that you owe them an explanation of how that request might be perceived by others within the organization, so they can act accordingly.
The request may surprise you by exposing needed areas of professional growth. Leaders may be biased towards how awesome their teams are, so seeing evidence to the contrary can sometimes be upsetting. In these cases, gently deny the request and walk them through the reasons why. Particularly for those who are managers of managers, recall that navigating the transition from individual contributor to leader can come with its own unique challenges. Don’t shy away from offering critical feedback about how your team can improve communication (up, down, and sideways.) Coach them to reframe their perspective from thinking about their own careers to thinking about the team and the business.
The request may make you jealous. If you grant their request, you know it means that employee X will get paid more, promoted faster, treated better, have fewer responsibilities, learn more, do less, etc. than you at that stage in your career. Don’t perpetuate a bad system. DON’T explain that you used to walk to school uphill in the snow. Grant their request, and embrace their success—and yours for being the leader you wish you had earlier in your career.
