How to Break Bad News
It’s not easy to share unpleasant news, but it’s a critical job function for project managers. If we don’t learn how to communicate risk effectively, we’ll never be skilled at what we do. So, how can we get better at breaking bad news?
Before we dive into that, I want to highlight the complicated emotions at play that make breaking bad news so challenging:
Discomfort. No one likes to disappoint their audience, and we know the conversation is not going to be warm and fuzzy. Women, in particular, have been socialized to make others feel comfortable since we were children, so feeling discomfort around us is that much more daunting.
Guilt. We can’t help but feel that our job was to prevent the bad news from happening in the first place—whether that’s true or not. By taking on responsibility for the project, we’re also assuming responsibility for the outcomes, regardless of whether they are within our sphere of control.
Anxiety. We don’t know how the other person is going to react.
So, given that all this is going on in your head (never mind what’s going on in the mind of your audience), give yourself a break if you fail to deliver your message perfectly. That being said, here are some tips to keep in mind:
Don’t sugarcoat. We may be tempted to soften the message, because we think it’ll be too much for the other person to hear. This is where the “praise sandwich” comes in—you sandwich negative feedback between two pieces of positive feedback in an attempt to cushion the blow. If you are employing the praise sandwich tactic, you may think you’re doing it for the other person’s benefit. You’re not. You’re trying to make yourself comfortable. Resist the temptation to take the easy way out and say something you don’t mean. You’re doing the other person a disservice by rushing to fill that uncomfortable silence with false platitudes. Speak the truth, pause, and give the other person time to react.
Don’t make light of the situation. The other mistake, related to the sugarcoating example above, is when you try to inject humor into the situation too soon. You need to give the other person time to grieve. That may not happen during the conversation either. Some people are going to need a couple hours, even a couple days, to process their emotions. Convey the news, acknowledge that they may be processing how they feel, and offer them the opportunity to come back to you with feedback or questions at a later time.
Don’t shut down. You may be mad as hell about the situation that has transpired. Maybe it was a decision you didn’t agree with. Maybe one of your employees made a mistake and now you need to put yourself on the line to protect them. The worst thing you can do in these situations—whether in front of your team or your client—is to shut down. Your job is to carry the team and the project forward. This doesn’t mean you have to be a robot. You can express your vulnerability, but you also need to be able to pick up the reins and move forward. When you’re able to do that, that’s not called management. That’s called leadership.
